


The Non-gendered-siblinghood of the Traveling (And Really Flattering) Non-regulation Slacks

by wintercreek



Category: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants - Ann Brashares, Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-18
Updated: 2009-06-18
Packaged: 2017-10-17 02:52:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintercreek/pseuds/wintercreek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had started, as the best magic always did, in a thrift store in San Francisco.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Non-gendered-siblinghood of the Traveling (And Really Flattering) Non-regulation Slacks

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. Except for the part where I'm not sorry.

*~ _"You are also my friend. I have been, and always shall be yours." - Spock_ ~*

It had started, as the best magic always did, in a thrift store in San Francisco. Spock did not feel that it was logical to patronize such establishments when unsatisfactory garments were best consigned to the replicator's recycler, but when the other three pled "cultural experience" he conceded and accompanied them. It was a mystery why they should continue to socialize during their shore leave when they served together - as Bones often said, "All that time in space, getting on each other's nerves; now we have shore leave, and what do we do? We spend it together." And here they were, walking along a street peopled with brightly-dressed exuberant individuals of a variety of species, undeniably together.

Jim, of course, was more exuberant than the most outgoing tourist or local. He was walking backwards, gesturing widely with both arms as he explained to Bones why the old Terran game of "soccer" would be an excellent recreational activity for the crew. Bones was rolling his eyes at Jim, gently if such a thing was possible, and suggesting in return that perhaps not all crew members would find chasing a ball around an artificial grass environment to be rewarding enough to compensate for the loss of the bowling alley. To Spock's right Nyota hummed quietly to herself, her eyes wide as she wordlessly took in the city around them. She paused for a moment to snap a reference picture with her microcamera; Spock knew she'd be painting tonight, sighing to herself as the pixels of her digital image once again failed to capture the true quality of afternoon light on ancient buildings.

It seemed that they had always been thus, sharing each other's hobbies and idle pastimes along with their joys and sorrows, their victories and defeats. Spock knew that this was not factually correct - he could easily recall years and years before he knew any of them - but the days before their first mission on the _Enterprise_ and the destruction of Vulcan seemed like a different lifetime. His three best friends were of a different world than his people had been, but they were family nonetheless.

*~ _"I get by with a little help from my friends." - John Lennon_ ~*

Jim tried on half the clothes in the store, often in improbable combinations, and Nyota found one perfect outfit that looked stunning on her but changed back into her uniform as soon as she realized it. Spock was off in the dusty book section of the store, having no interest in non-regulation clothing. Bones rolled his eyes for the tenth time that afternoon. For all that he loved his friends, he'd wanted to spend part of this leave with his daughter. The girl behind the counter looked like he imagined Joanna would grow up to be.

It was his bad luck that she caught him looking at her. "Something I can help you with, sir?"

Bones fumbled at the counter and came up with a pair of pants - jeans, really, made of denim in the old style. "I'll take these."

The girl rang up the pants without further comment and gave them to him, neatly folded. Bones didn't even look at the amount as she charged his credit account.

Spock was standing patiently in the dressing area when Bones got back there, watching as Jim cocked one hip and then the other, evidently checking the fit of his current outfit.

"What do you think, Bones?" he asked, sliding his hands over his hips and peering over his shoulder at the reflected image of his butt. "Does it look good?"

Bones was temporarily saved from answering when Nyota saw the pants in his hand. "What are those?"

"Oh, I bought some pants." This response turned out to be a mistake, as everyone demanded that he try them on. When Bones refused, Jim shrugged and unzipped his jumpsuit to try the pants himself. Issues of casual nudity aside, Bones did have to admit that the jeans looked good on Jim. They hugged his hips and outlined his muscular thighs nicely.

"Nice pants!" Jim shucked them off and held them out to Spock, demanding that he try them. "C'mon, Spock."

"It is not logical to believe that these trousers will fit me after they have so obviously been seen to fit you, Jim. I am 12 centimeters taller than you are." Spock lifted an eyebrow at Jim's hand, which remained stubbornly outstretched. "Very well," he sighed.

Jim did not permit Spock to retreat behind the curtain of a changing stall. Spock sighed again before stepping out of his uniform slacks and into the jeans.

The jeans fit perfectly. The blue of the denim faded gradually toward pale as the pants fell toward Spock's ankles, silhouetting his long legs. Spock peered in the mirror, skeptical, then raised his eyebrow higher. "Fascinating." He turned to Nyota.

Nyota's curiosity outweighed her reluctance to be seen in anything other than her uniform, and she took the jeans without a fight. Her classic beauty drew the eyes of admiring beings everywhere they went, and she hated it - her response was to dress as plainly as possible, hiding behind the Starfleet uniforms. When she emerged from behind the changing curtain, they could see her graceful body wrapped in what might have been the most flattering outfit Bones had ever caught her in. Certainly the jeans showed off the curves that her Starfleet slacks hid and cradled the line of her waist as no minidress uniform ever had.

Finished with her cursory self-inspection in the mirror, Nyota disappeared quickly into the changing stall. She tossed the jeans over the top, landing them in front of Bones. He was still staring at them when she stepped back out. "You have to try them," she told him. "We all did."

"It is true, Doctor. And they are your pants - it would be sensible for you to ascertain that they fit you satisfactorily."

"Now hang on a minute," Bones protested. "You think this pair of pants - this pair of pants that looks so great on all you young twenty-somethings - is going to look anywhere near as good on my thirty-something ass?"

"Bones." Jim looked him in the eye, persuasive and charismatic as always. Jim could charm anything alive and often did, but even before he spoke his arresting blond hair turned heads. "Come on. Just try them."

Bones looked heavenward before giving in and turning away from the mirror. If he had to try on the pants, he certainly didn't have to see the disaster they'd surely be. He zipped up the jeans, pleased that they didn't feel too uncomfortable, and turned back to the other three.

They were staring at him, mesmerized.

"What? Are they that bad?" Grumbling, Bones reached for the zipper.

"No, Bones. Look in the mirror." Jim took Bones by the shoulders and guided him over.

Bones felt his mouth fall open. "How on Earth do these fit me?"

"And not just fit," Nyota added. "They look fantastic, Bones."

Bones turned to Spock, looking for an honest opinion. Spock lifted both eyebrows and said, "I must concur. This attire is most flattering to you, and to all of us."

"I'll be damned," Bones murmured. "They must be magic pants."

*~ _"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival." - C. S. Lewis_ ~*

"We are gathered here - stop snickering, Bones - we are gathered here to form the Brotherhood-"

"What?!"

"Sorry, Nyota. We are gathered here to form the, uh, Non-gendered-siblinghood of the, uh-"

"Traveling, right Jim? Isn't that the point, that they'll travel between us?"

"Well, if you want to be mundane about it. Okay, the Non-gendered-siblinghood of the Traveling - can't I call them the Really Flattering Pants? Please?"

"They are really flattering, aren't they," Nyota sighed.

"I must point out that referring to them as 'pants' may be insufficiently precise," Spock broke in. "They would be better described as 'non-regulation slacks,' to distinguish them from the uniform components commonly referred to only as 'pants.'"

"Okay, okay. Nyota, you've got the best handwriting, so you write this down. The Non-gendered-siblinghood of the Traveling (And Really Flattering) Non-regulation Slacks, formed on this day by the four of us. As we part ways for our extended shore leaves, the Slacks-"

"Non-regulation slacks."

"Yes, Spock, the Non-regulation Slacks will travel between us. I think Nyota ought to have them first, since she's going the farthest. The Slacks-"

"Non-reg-"

"SPOCK!" Jim shook his head. "Fine, the _Non-regulation Slacks_ , hereafter referred to as the NRS, will like seeing the United States of Africa, I think."

Nyota looked up from her paper. "And then they should go to Spock, since he'll be stuck here in San Francisco."

"I will not be 'stuck,' as you put it, Nyota. But as my leave is insufficient to permit me to visit my father on the new colony world, it is a sensible conservation of resources for me to remain here with the Academy's excellent library available to me. In fact, I have obtained a temporary position as a research assistant to fill my time."

Bones shook his head. "I'm sorry we're leaving you behind, Spock."

"It is of no consequence, Doctor. At any rate, perhaps you would like to be next in the rotation? I will be happy to forward the NRS to Georgia after the appropriate interval."

"And I'll send them on to Jim in Iowa," Bones agreed. "Where they can get a little honest dirt on them, right?"

Jim nodded, grinning. "I'll run through a cornfield or two with them on," he promised. "Now, I think we should write a few ground rules about the NRS, speaking of what I'll do with them on. Uh, rule one. The NRS can't be washed."

"That does not seem sanitary, Jim."

"Spock, you want to wash the magic out of them? Or worse, what if they got recycled? No washing. Here, you make the next rule."

"If these are truly magic Non-regulation Slacks, they should be worn in a proper manner. I suggest that we prohibit rolling up their hems."

"No double-cuffing. Good one," Bones nodded. "And how about a self-esteem rule? We know they fit all of us, so none of us is allowed to think of ourselves as unattractive while wearing them."

Nyota jumped in. "And only _we_ are allowed to remove them. Yes, Jim Kirk, I'm thinking of you. You're welcome to take the Non-regulation Slacks off yourself at any time, in the presence of whatever consenting and interested people you may meet."

And so it went, until Jim bobbed his head approvingly at the list Nyota had copied down. "Guys - and Nyota - seriously, I can't just include you in 'guys?' No? - I think we're ready for shore leave."

*~ _"If you don't find it in the index, look very carefully throughout the entire catalog." - Sears Roebuck catalog_ ~*

**Author's Note:**

> So, come on. Jim is totally Bridget, with the blond hair and the flirtatiousness and the dead parent issues. And Nyota could be Lena if you squint, with the quiet beauty and the artistic nature (which is singing rather than painting in canon, but I don't think it's too much a stretch). And Spock _has_ to be awkward, sarcastic Tibby, staying home for the summer and observing the weird ways and lives of the people there. And Bones maps nicely on to Carmen if you can elide his divorce into Carmen's parents' divorce. Now I want to write the whole ~~summer~~ shore leave and have Bones finding Joanna's adolescence and new friends rather than the little girl he remembers wanting to spend all her time with him. And Jim has a disastrous trainwreck of a fling in Iowa (don't worry, in the sequel he finds himself again with a little help from Bones.  <3). And Spock develops a heartwarming friendship with a snarky little girl, maybe the daughter of someone doing research. And Nyota's family tries to set her up with a Nice Boy they know and she will have none of it (because she's already with Spock, natch).


End file.
